I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
