If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
