Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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