READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
