matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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