What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
