Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
