That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
