i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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