u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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