How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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