Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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