I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
