the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
