Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
