It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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