i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
