I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm passing your future prison.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
