i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
