Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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