She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
