I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
