You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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