He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
