I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
