I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
