the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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