i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
