when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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