the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
