Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
