I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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