It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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