it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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