She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need to calm my uterus...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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