My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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