you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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