lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
