I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
