HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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