Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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