the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
