I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
