i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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