I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to make a zoo with you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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