is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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