Yo dont text me then not text me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
