where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
