Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
