Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
