Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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