He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
