Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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